May The Force Be With You

I’ve always been fascinated by human emotions. It’s not enough for me to feel something; I really want to understand why I’m feeling what I’m feeling, particularly when I’m upset or uncomfortable. For instance, if I notice I’m feeling needy, I try to figure out why. Is it because I need more time with friends or maybe some time alone? Do I need to be out in nature or get a good workout? Could it be that I’m craving more professional achievement or a sense of accomplishment? I’ve realized that while these things can help me feel better for a while, they don’t always provide a lasting solution.

I firmly believe that once a need is met, it disappears. The issue is that we often don’t recognize our own needs. Because it’s easier to blame someone else for how we feel, it becomes a knee-jerk reaction; however, this doesn’t truly solve the problem. If you’ve ever yelled at someone and then had a regret hangover afterward, you understand what I mean. Feeling regret is a clear sign that the blame was misplaced. Projecting blame in an attempt to find a solution or reduce our discomfort is a natural human tendency. However, we can learn to use that discomfort as an opportunity for growth. The fact is, however, it’s challenging. And probably why so many of us struggle to do it. But herein lies our true power.

My husband has been the target of this blame on many occasions, and while there may be some reason for it, more often, my anger has nothing to do with my husband. Fortunately, I am an avid journaler and use my journal to process or vent about what’s happening in my life, so I don’t have to always unload on my husband. It’s a place for me to scream my frustration into words instead of actual screams. And while I can often get to the root of the problem, as I explore an issue or peel back layers, I often struggle to find the true source of my problem. Because, did I mention before, this is hard work?

Recently, I discussed my view on the hierarchy of needs with my husband. I felt proud of coming up with the idea myself. But, since my husband was a psychology major and very smart, he responded, “Yes! Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.” Duh. This was not an original idea; it had been around for years. I had only a vague memory of this hierarchy and decided to look it up, and I was struck by how similar it is to the chakras.

To simplify, chakras are points along the spine where many energy channels, known as Nadis, intersect. These energy centers are called chakras, which literally means "wheel" or "wheel of energy." Our first chakra, or root chakra, is located at the base of the spine. Next is the sacral, then the solar plexus, the heart, the throat, the third eye, and finally, the crown at the top of the head. Ideally, as we develop our chakras, they, like bones, grow stronger. Just as bones can break or fracture, causing misalignment, chakras can become blocked, creating imbalances. However, a broken bone is simple to see (and feel!), but you can’t put a cast or a band-aid on a chakra; it needs to be opened so energy can flow freely. When the chakras are imbalanced, we are, too. This may show up in emotional, spiritual, or physical ways. Furthermore, if we fail to meet our developmental needs from childhood, we may never reach the higher chakras—those that relate to love, self-expression, wisdom, and enlightenment. This isn’t to say that we can never feel love or experience the benefits of the higher chakras, but we will constantly risk falling back into patterns rather than moving beyond them. Furthermore, opening the heart is akin to opening the eyes. We see things more clearly and broadly, and we have a greater capacity to shift our perspective. This is where we experience those beautiful A-HA moments. There is no need for blame, as we now see things with clearer vision. In other words, no more yelling at my hubby!

I am currently participating in a training for health professionals and yoga teachers called Yoga for Mental Health. Much of the training focuses on recognizing the various ways in which people don’t feel safe and how to strengthen the first three chakras, where safety, grounding, and growth were compromised. By using language, posture, mudras, breathwork, and other techniques, we learn to create a sense of safety in both the body and the mind, allowing us to move onto the higher chakras. Because, as Maslow’s theory states, if we never feel safe or grounded, we won’t have a strong foundation to build on. But here is the problem: we often don’t realize that we have unmet needs, and when these needs are triggered, we lash out and blame others. Moreover, if we aren’t self-aware, we believe our blame is justified. We feel empowered by this anger, and if it goes unchecked, not only do we unfairly blame others, but we also miss the opportunity for personal growth. If we never grow as individuals, how can we grow as a community? A country? A world?

But there's a solution: yoga. I know this might sound silly, and since I am a yoga teacher, I might be biased, but it really works. Yoga is a system that serves as a primer. If we want lasting change, we need a primer—enter yoga. Yoga isn’t just about postures or poses; it’s a complete system designed for growth. It’s gentle, it doesn’t impose, and it meets you where you are—the poses, breathing, and quiet help you release blockages in a safe, supportive environment. Recently, I took a class with an instructor who themed the session around Halloween and superheroes. He jazzed up typical poses inspired by the Dark Knight or Wonder Woman. We crossed our arms in protection, opened our chests, and soared through the sky. I didn’t hold back as Hans Zimmer’s music boomed in the background. Did I mention yoga can be fun too? (My husband said he’d join me when the theme is Star Wars.)

However, whether a class is themed or not, it still checks a box. A box you might not even realize you're checking. And that’s the beauty of it. It simply happens. The magic begins when you step through the door. Like anything, it takes time and patience. But it’s definitely worth it, and you might walk out feeling superhuman.

My husband, Jeff, as Darth Vader 1977

Prime for Change

As I write the title for this post, Prime for Change, another concept pops into my head, Brace for Change. This is how we approach change. We dig in our heels, we tense up, and we resist. Change is hard, it’s no wonder our bodies react like we are in a life-threatening situation. Recently I listened to a popular podcast that gave terrific insights and suggestions for change. I walked away thinking, “yes, great ideas!” then went right back into my usual operating system, promptly forgetting about these words of wisdom as I nagged my husband. My operating system constantly needs updates, and I wish it were as simple as plugging my phone in at night. I could wake up in the morning, notice the change, grumble about it and move on.

But change isn’t that simple. I can’t just wake up to change or listen to a podcast and follow the advice as if I were baking a cake. But, I know one thing for sure, yoga helps make change stick. Like painting a piece of furniture. If you want the paint to stick, prime it first. Yoga acts as a primer too, but how?

Yoga is more than exercise, it is a system for growth. It is designed to calm, open and strengthen the body and mind. This process is explained best in the Yoga Sutras. (Sutra is Sanskrit for thread. In other words, threads of wisdom woven together.) I won’t go into all 196 sutras, but the first one explains the process in a few words, “Now the instruction of yoga begins.” This seemingly simple statement is chock full of meaning. Everything is about now. What are you feeling, what are you thinking, or what are you doing, now? We spend so much time in our heads (or our phones) that we miss out on what is happening now. Life is happening now. Yoga reminds us of this simple, yet powerful word. And, as we practice being present on our mats we start to get more present off our mats. After all, this is not Vegas, what happens on our mats doesn’t stay on our mats! As we calm our nervous systems and become less reactive on our mats, so too do we become less reactive off our mats. When we begin to feel our bodies on the mat, we begin to feel our bodies off our mats. Or maybe it’s about challenging ourselves, or getting more grounded. The possibilities are endless. Our mat becomes a playground for our life. Every moment on the mat prepares us for every moment off the mat. We are primed for change when we walk out of the studio and step into our lives. And it feels good, by the way. Have you ever heard of that yoga high?

But don’t take my word for it; come and try it yourself! We are offering one week for $45 so you can begin to experience the amazing effects of yoga and prime for change, now! See you on your mat!

Depression, Yoga, and Sunsets

I’m sitting with Carrie Riker at Starbucks. We just took a new class at 360 called Roll and Renew, where we literally rolled over yoga tune up balls to massage our achy muscles and fascia. As we sip our coffees, we marvel at the little tune up balls ability to make us feel, well, renewed. It was Carrie’s idea to meet after class. She didn’t want to miss her morning yoga. A stark difference from pre-yoga Carrie who struggled to get out of bed in the morning, due to years of anxiety and depression. She had been taking a combination of anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medication, mood stabilizers, and talk therapy but nothing seemed to work. Carrie’s dear friend, and studio owner, Nicole Suchevits, gently suggested she try yoga, but Carrie did not feel ready. Two years later Carrie repeatedly claims yoga changed her life.

When I asked her why she finally decided to try yoga, she said it was on a girl’s trip to celebrate several of her friends turning fifty. She moaned as she described waking up every morning to her friends bouncing out of bed, ready to seize the day, when all she wanted to do was seize her pillow and go back to sleep. On the last day, one of her friends suggested they each share something they were proud of about themselves. After all, many of them had recently turned fifty and it was a big milestone. Carrie’s heart raced as she ransacked her brain for something to share. Finally, when it was her turn, she burst into tears. She didn’t feel proud. She felt guilt, sadness, anger, embarrassment, and exhaustion. However, as she allowed herself to face these emotions, she began to feel something else, relief. One by one, Carrie’s friends shared why they were proud of her, that moment being one of them. She marveled at how easily they came up with compliments, and even more importantly, how they saw a very different person than what Carrie saw in herself. She realized in that moment something needed to change. Starting with her perception of herself. Over the next few months, and with much support from her friends and family, she took small steps that reaped big rewards, and so began her love of yoga.

As I listen to Carrie retell her story, her voice suddenly becomes low, “I remember you,” she says to me.  “Our daughters were on the same soccer team in high school, and I used to sit behind you and your friends in the stadium.” I think back to those moments and admit that I did not remember Carrie, not until she first walked through the yoga studio’s door two years ago. She went on to say how she fabricated stories about what I, and my friends, must be saying about her. She glanced at her hands, then looked back at me with hurt in her eyes. Not because I didn’t remember her, but because she had created stories that weren’t true and then believed them.  I knew only too well what that was like, because I had done it myself.

This is a very common human behavior referred to as projection, and we all do it. We project what we might feel or believe onto another person. Carrie might have felt insecure about herself, but I did not know this, and in no way shared it with my friends. She said over the years she had come up with many negative thoughts and stories about herself, which, to her, felt very true and real, only to later realize that they were not true. Yoga theory describes this process as “the veil of illusion.” We create a different reality in our minds than what is happening in the moment. Our perception becomes tainted with memories or experiences from our past, which shroud reality, or what is occurring in the moment. Yoga helps us to be in the moment, and the more we are in the moment, the less we are in our heads. Eventually, we are able to take this skill off the mat, thereby being more present and aware in our daily lives.

In his book, A New Earth, Eckart Tolle recounts sitting at a park bench, by a pond, when he suddenly witnessed two ducks attack one another. As they eventually separated, Tolle noticed something curious. They flapped their wings vigorously and went on about their business. It was as if they shook the negative energy right out of their systems. However, humans are quite different. We tend to rehash events, thereby getting even more upset, or past impressions influence how we feel in the present moment. Ducks do not hold grudges nor are they influenced by old drama. They shake it off and move on. Fortunately, people can adopt the same ability to release unwanted emotions in what is referred to as bottom-up processing. Bottom-up processing focuses on interpreting sensory information in real time (Gibson, 1966). Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, claims that the bottom-up approach, such as yoga, mindfulness, breathwork, and body-oriented therapies, help ground the individual in the present moment and promote awareness of bodily sensations, thereby allowing the release of stored trauma.

When Nicole first suggested Carrie try yoga, her response was a resounding NO. Not only did she claim to not like yoga, but Carrie said she was inflexible, or rather “a tinman.” This is a common misconception, but opening and strengthening the physical body are only part of the experience. Yoga has the unique ability to move energy. Through breath, movement, mantra, mudra and other applications, yoga can lift, expand, ground, calm, and yes, release unwanted energy. Eventually, Carrie started taking restorative yoga, which gave her the space and time to release and let go. As she retells the story about her first time, she shyly admits to crying in class. “It was as if the teacher was talking directly to me,” she remembers, feeling moved. Like the ducks shaking their wings Carrie was releasing years of stored emotions.

Now, when Carrie comes to yoga, she has a twinkle in her eyes. Even when she’s not feeling great, she doesn’t have the added weight of her past suffering. Furthermore, she feels a tremendous amount of gratitude for her life, especially sunsets. “I love them,” she gushes sharing a photo of a brilliant sky with spectacular hues of pink, orange and yellow. As I look at the photo, I am reminded of a quote, “Every sunset is an opportunity to reset. Every sunrise begins with new eyes.” Carrie definitely has new, clearer vision.

(Carrie would like to express her gratitude and love to Nicole and all her wonderful teachers at 360 Yoga.)

While yoga is a wonderful tool for your body and mind, please seek immediate care if you or a family member or friend is suicidal, do not leave him or her alone. Get help immediately from an emergency room, physician, or mental health professional. Take seriously any comments about suicide or wishing to die. Even if you do not believe your family member or friend to attempt suicide, the person is clearly in distress and can benefit from your help in receiving mental health treatment

The Power of Energy

Lucia, one of my regular yoga students recently walked into the studio and said to me, “I love you!” She laughed at her sudden burst of affection and followed up with, “Maybe I shouldn’t say that, but I don’t know how else to say it.” My heart swelled. She went on to say how she and her best friend used to hold hands when they were little. She remarked how easy it is to show our love and affection when we are young and less so as we get older. “Loving someone shouldn’t be so hard,” she remarked. I agreed one thousand percent. As I took in Lucia, her brownish gold shoulder length hair, her tiny smile lines, the sparkle in her eyes I was struck by the difference between her “now self” and her “post-surgery self” four years ago.

Lucia is originally from Romania and has a Master’s Degree in Energy Production and Nuclear Engineering. She came to Illinois after receiving a research grant for a Nuclear Reactor Operator at the University of Illinois in Urbana Champaign.  After her stint in Urbana, she went onto to do the same work in Braceville, IL. It was here where she suddenly collapsed from a brain aneurysm five years ago. Lucia was immediately taken to St. Joseph hospital and underwent an emergency craniotomy where titanium coils were used to seal the opening of an artery in her brain. The scientist in her marveled at what the surgeons were able to do, “Isn’t science unbelievable!” she exclaimed with childlike enthusiasm. I was still marveling at the fact that she was a Nuclear Engineer when all I could remember from Chemistry class was a joke our teacher made, and it had nothing to do with Chemistry.

Lucia did not realize how drastically her life would change. She could no longer drive long distances or drive at night, due to photophobia or a sensitivity to light (a common condition after a traumatic brain injury). Where once she had a demanding job, charged with making difficult decisions, now she had difficulty focusing on everyday tasks leaving her exhausted and in need of breaks throughout the day. “It was very hard to accept the idea of losing my job,” says Lucia, though she is thankful to be alive and feels a stronger force is at play.

She found 360 Studios quite by accident. Or not. She was on her way to the groomer, with her dog Oliver, when she noticed the sign for 360 Studios. “I don’t know what drew me to it,” she said, maybe it was that her balance was off, or maybe it was something bigger, but she felt compelled to call the Yoga studio. She spoke with Nicole, the owner, and was assured she would be in good hands. Her first teacher was a retired nurse and this put her at ease. A little. In addition to the stent and titanium coils in her brain she was on blood pressure medication to increase blood flow. While hopeful yoga might help with balance, she still had lots of questions and concerns. Would the classes be too hot or too strenuous? Would she have to go upside down? Nicole assured her that the teachers would give her modifications and encouraged her to try a few of our gentler classes. It was evident that Lucia was still plenty nervous, but eventually she started to come. In fact, she started to come every day and quickly felt its effects. She started with Restorative Yoga, then moved onto Gentle Yoga, then Hatha Vinyasa and finally Yoga Sculpt. Four years later it is not uncommon to see Lucia taking two classes a day, sometimes three!

Lucia constantly remarks that yoga saved her life, and it is not just the physical strides she has made, but the emotional and mental strides as well. When Lucia started at 360, she was nervous, not just about yoga but everything! She would come into the studio voicing her concerns about the world, and believe me, there was plenty to voice. But overtime, I witnessed less and less of these concerns. In fact, lately I have noticed how happy Lucia is when she comes to class, spreading her joy with hugs and proclamations of love.

While Lucia no longer works as a nuclear engineer, she still works with energy, subtle energy. A vital energy that is within us and that which we can change, expand or move through yoga. As the Himalayan Institute points out, “similar to how Western science has mapped the physical body, the yogis and masters of the East created an equally detailed map of the subtle and energy bodies.” And the change in subtle energy is quite visible in Lucia, in fact, she radiates it. But don’t take my word for it, take hers, “360 is a magical place for me,” she says, “a place of love, energy and hope.” I agree with her one thousand percent.

Strong Back Soft Front

I am an overthinker. My friend once sent me a meme that read, “Let me overthink this.” When I went to buy some throw pillows she said, “You know the store closes at 9pm.” It was noon. After thinking about this tendency (okay overthinking!) I decided I needed to get to the root of the problem. Enter lack of confidence. My inability to make a decision was a direct result of my inability to trust myself. If you’ve taken my class lately, you may have noticed poses like Star Pose, Warrior Three or Half Moon. These poses are called power poses. They expand our energy outward or upward. But there are other poses beneficial in building confidence… backbends.

Backbends are tricky. I cannot remember the last time I did a deep backbend. I have a cranky low back and a sore neck from years of overuse. There is more movement in the neck and low back therefore these places are more prone to injury. The midback, which contains the ribcage to protect important organs such as the heart and lungs, is less bendy and precisely where we need to strengthen and open. Constantly hunching over our computers and phones only exacerbates the problem by tightening the pectoral muscles. But that is not the only reason why backbends are tricky. They can trigger stuff.

After listening to the podcast Archetypes, with Meghan Markle, I decided to revisit these energetic buggers, I mean, bends. Markle was interviewing one of my favorite meditation teachers, Dr. Tara Brach, on how to change the way we think. Dr. Brach mentioned a concept that caught my attention, a strong back and a soft front (a phrase she learned from Buddhist teacher, Joan Halifax). A strong back and a soft front is the ability to stay open and present to what is happening in the moment. Brene Brown, explains this concept beautifully as holding tension between two opposing feelings such as tough and tender or grit and grace or brave and scared. In yoga, this practice is referred to as sthira and sukha or effort and ease. The root stha means “to stand” or “to be firm.” The root su “good” and kha “space” literally mean the good space, which I like to think of as the heart. Essentially, standing firm with an open heart.

However, maintaining these opposing forces can be difficult, especially when holding a pose for several breaths or remaining compassionate and fully present in the heat of an argument. We may have a strong urge to pull away from the person or challenge. This conditioning keeps us stuck, just like my inability to make a decision because of the fear that something will go wrong. (Even something as insignificant as the wrong throw pillows!) These tendencies and limiting beliefs keep us contracted and closed off, not only from ourselves but others. Brene Brown, well-known for her research on vulnerability, explains that “our deepest human need is to be seen by other people so if we are all armored up we can’t be seen.”

Vulnerability is at the core of having a soft front. If you’ve ever done a backbend and felt a rush of emotion or adrenaline, it is because two things are happening, you are stimulating your adrenal glands (responsible for regulating your response to stress), and you are exposing your heart. The next time you are in a yoga class, notice your initial reaction after a strong backbend, which perfectly demonstrates these opposing forces. And by all means keep your core activated and focus on your upper back muscles. While your reaction may be to quickly counter the backbend with a forward bend, pause and go easy. Not only is this healthier for the spine, but it allows the opportunity to observe what is coming up before pulling away. If you find that backbends cannot be safely done, try side bends which provide a similar energetic effect.

The beauty of yoga is its ability to mirror our life experiences. When we can change our habits on the mat, we can more easily change our habits off the mat. What may seem like a Herculean effort, a strong backbend or remaining compassionate in a heated discussion, will eventually become easier as new neural pathways become stronger, as well as your back! And as these changes become easier, give yourself a pat on your strong back and a gentle hand to your soft heart, for not only strengthening and opening your body, but also your mind.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze...then Dance

This year I had completely forgotten about the Oscars until our daughter texted me a pic of Timothée Chalamet’s “bold, but very good, choice” in outfits from the red carpet. I suddenly regretted getting rid of our cable, not because I needed to see Chalamet’s bold (aka shirtless) outfit, but because I loved the yearly ritual with our daughters, even if this year it would have to be via phone. After trying to figure out how to stream the Oscars, I finally gave up and told our daughter to text me the highlights of the evening. I was happy to learn Troy Kotsur, who played the father on CODA won best actor (watch it for the best tear-jerker scene ever!) and Jessica Chastain best actress for her wonderful portrayal of Tammy Faye. After our daughter sent me a pic of her favorite dress, a beautiful black sheath, worn by newcomer Rachel Zegler from West Side Story, I decided it was time to settle into bed when one final text came through with a loud PING! I couldn’t help wondering if the text was more urgent then a fabulous dress and glanced at the phone before putting it on ‘do not disturb’ mode. The text read, and then this happened. I have to admit I was intrigued, but sleep was beckoning me and I knew if I went down that rabbit hole it would cause a domino effect where I would start googling something that would lead to googling something else, that would lead to googling something else and an hour later I’d still be awake and completely wired after having educated myself on all the actors, what they wore to the Oscars, what they ate for breakfast, the weather in California, and where to plan our next vacation. I put down the phone and hoped the possibility of sleep hadn’t totally evaded me.

In the morning, after pouring a cup of coffee, I remembered the intriguing text and decided to find out what, and then this happened, meant. I clicked on a link of a video clip involving the host, Chris Rock, and Will Smith. I couldn’t quite make sense of what I was seeing. As I’d predicted, I started going down the Internet rabbit hole googling Will Smith and the Oscars, reading one opinion piece after another, until I had had my fill and wasn’t feeling particularly good about it either.

In yoga, there is a term Samana Vayu, which is the energetic force, or “winds,” governing our third chakra or solar plexus. It is charged with the task of assimilating, not only food and liquid, but also our thoughts and emotions. The Samana Vayu helps us process what we need and eliminate what we don’t need. It is our spring-cleaning system, if you will. After taking in a fair amount of information about Will Smith and the Oscars, I needed to process what I’d just read. I asked myself, “what is really happening here?” It was easy to react to the situation, kind of like Will Smith reacting to Chris Rock, but less easy to stop and digest the information. I read a thread of comments from a news source that read more like bottled-up anger, fear, sadness, frustration and confusion. I didn’t get the sense people were pausing and reflecting, “why did Will Smith react this way?” Or “was there more to the story than what we saw?” Or, perhaps, the more important question, “why do I feel this way?” What I did sense, was that people were venting stored away emotions from the past few years (or even a lifetime ago). Unfortunately, the Oscar debacle is just one more incident of how disconnected we have become, not only from ourselves, but those around us. Whether it is in ranting about the incidient, questioning if it was real or defending Will Smith.

We have all reacted poorly to a situation and regretted doing or saying something, but it isn’t always a bad thing, especially if we are willing to apologize and learn something new about ourselves. There is a Zen saying that the further you push down a floating cork the higher it will pop back up. I have seen this in myself, and on one particular occasion, this said cork just about gave me a black eye! I was having a heated argument (okay shouting match) with my husband and I blurted out a stream of hurtful comments. Instead of saying my husband’s name, I said my name and, in that instant, I knew I was talking to myself not my husband. I could’ve ignored it, hoped he hadn’t heard the mistake, but it was my chance to look at that proverbial cork and see what I was pushing down, and fortunately, it has lead to an improved relationship with myself and all those around me, especially my husband.

In the past few years, we have endured a lifetime of events. These events have challenged us physically, socially, politically, emotionally, and spiritually. As we attempt to process what has happened, or still happening, we have had the chance to take a good look at ourselves (and others). This look has caused friendships to be forged and friendships to be lost, relationships to end or relationships to begin, familial ties to strengthen or familial ties to weaken. And it would be nice to have universally agreed upon answers, something firm to hold onto or a script to use to help navigate this shaky ground, but there isn’t. However, there are ways we can ease the collective trauma we have all experienced.

Even though processing information is great, sometimes the trauma stays stuck in the body. Gabrielle Bernstein writes in her new book, Happy Days, how insidious trauma is and how often we ignore it and pretend we are okay. She explains how while we may not have experienced big trauma with a capital T, we have all experienced small trauma with a little t; being bullied, feeling humilated, ignored, losing a pet, or a friendship. If we don’t “dishcarge or resolve” the trauma it remains active and alive in our bodies, often leading to a host of physical symptoms ranging from depression and anxiety to gastrointestinal issues or back pain (and many more). Bernstein recommends several different types of healing modalities, in addition to talk therapy, such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, and other body-oriented practices designed to release trauma and connect us to our bodies so that we may connect more easily to those around us. And if there’s anything we all could use right now it’s a little connection. (For more information on healing modalities go to DearGabby.com/HappyResources.)

The other day my husband showed me a Tik Tok video of a couple in an improv dance competition. Unlike most dance competitions, this one involved coming up with a dance routine to a random song with a random dance partner. Take a moment to process this scenario, and imagine what this might look like (or go ahead and google it. The dance is lead and follow improv to Glass Animal’s song "gooey” @kyleswingsarah). The music starts, the couple joins hands, and as each moment unfolds they do their best to, well, connect. After my husband and I watched the video, we had tears in our eyes. There was something beautiful about two strangers coming together with different dance backgrounds doing their best to both lead and follow without disrupting the overall harmony of the dance.

I believe there is a cosmic dance we are all supposed to figure out. Every person or interaction provides us an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves. Sometimes, we learn that, hey, I’m a pretty good dancer, or other times we learn that we need to stop stepping on our partner’s toes. We’ve had a lot thrown at us over the past few years and we have been pushed to our limits, but what if we could stop pushing each other around and instead let our interactions be more about learning, taking turns, respecting each other’s choices, and having a little fun in the process? I sure would’ve preferred seeing Will Smith and Chris Rock dance it out rather than duke it out. In fact, not only would it have been more entertaining (I mean who doesn’t love dancing with the stars?), it would’ve been more effective in releasing pent up energy.

So, next time you are feeling the effects of an argument or challenging situation, process the situation in your mind, but don’t forget to process it in your body as well. Everyone is familiar with the saying Fight, Flight or Freeze, but perhaps it needs to be Fight, Flight, or Freeze…then Dance (move, shake, tremble). And then you can slap your partner…on the back, for a job well done.